Friday, December 30, 2011

Nothing spectacular

I haven't written in some time now and there are a few reasons for that 1) Christmas was rough, to say the least, 2) Right after Christmas, I was ever so blessed with the flu that put me down for 2 days, and 3) My computer is ill too. It conveniently just shuts off at random and it takes at least seven times of turning it on to actually...turn on. 

For those of you that are wondering, The Christmas spirit never came. No surprise here, I stopped searching and expecting. I even got a little grinchy, I found myself rolling my eyes at a woman at Subway for telling other customers that "This was her favorite time of year", "Who am I?", I asked myself. By the time Christmas Day arrived, I kept thinking that I just wanted it to be over. Don't get me wrong, I loved being around family and friends and that is probably what kept me going but there were times I just wanted to exit and climb back into bed and sleep till the new year.

I wish I had some amazing post today, something creative, some sort of quirky analogy or maybe even some humor, but I have nothing of the sort to give you guys and I'm sorry for that. Truth be told, I usually only write on my good days. I leave the bad days for reflecting and gathering my thoughts together but today is a bad day. On days like this, it becomes difficult to even explain to myself how I'm feeling let alone put it into words for everyone else but of course I'm gonna give it my best shot...

Today, I don't know if I'm coming or going, I'm up then I'm way down and even sideways. It's one of those days I could drive to the grocery store with tears in my eyes, get there and do all my shopping, come home and put them all away then sit down and not remember doing any of it. Days like these are like figments of your imagination but ironically so real and raw that all the tears you own aren't enough. One minute, you tell yourself there is no point in crying because it wont bring your baby back but the next minute when you find yourself dropping things like its an Olympic sport and your wearing the gold, you cry. You cry like that remote or cell phone on the floor was your most prized possession. You might even believe yourself when you blame your tears on your clumsiness instead of the fact that your baby is gone. 

Everyday is different with grieving. Everyday you are a different person. You have to become familiar with the different kinds of days and acquaint yourself with them and learn what is good and bad on those specific days. I learned very recently that on days like today, even though drinking a bottle of wine seems like the answer, it most certainly is not. You will find yourself drunk and miserable, listening to rap music that you don't even like, and perhaps finding a unfamiliar dark side of yourself that isn't pretty or helpful in the process. If you are lucky like me and have amazing friends, one of them might come to your rescue. If not, just avoid Alcohol in general.

So, while I realize that none of my blog posts are Pulitzer material, I do sincerely apologize for this one and my lack of creativeness.

By the way, Only a 2 days left for Brody's project! Have a Happy New Year everyone!


  1. Aww dont apologize...its hard to concentrate when your computer might turn off at random....and what with no keyboard and all. LOL? no really your posts are always good writing

  2. Didnt mean to have the ? After LOL. Oops