Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Don't you always have to know where you've been before you know where the hell you're going

So maybe this has nothing to do with Brody or perhaps it has everything to with him. I do actually feel like he is my idea guy. I've always thought that him in God serve me ideas. I mean, they aren't always on a silver platter. Heck, I feel like they are grits sometimes in a dirty bowl.  They aren't even ideas that I want or I think I need. Until they almost get right up in my face and say it. "Mom... Do this". "Tia... Do this". 
Then my past weeks. Past months and days seem to be all signs and I agree to take on what should have been obvious. 
" WRITE" they screamed this time. It's what you do. It's how you deal. It's how you help. It's how you heal. 
I was missing something. Not my 4 year normal missing of my son, that piece will never be back. It's empty forever but a new piece of puzzle Tia. 
Something creative. Something deeper and more meaningful than the ordinary. 
I wasn't feeling. I was healing. I wasn't helping like "they" wanted and needed me to. They aren't disappointed. It could be that they got frustrated because I let my self get so distracted from their usual signs. 
Okay. Okay. I get it now. I'm still collecting pieces and I haven't even started to build. I'm gathering and just sifting through but I know how to start these type of puzzles. I've put them together before. ☺️
So I'm starting today reflecting on where I've been. In all aspects of my life. Metaphorically, emotionally, literally, spiritually  you know.... In hopes that revisiting those can send me in the right direction of where I'm going.