Monday, December 19, 2011

Christmas spirit, where are you?

Hello There Readers! I'm going to be extending Brody's Project in hopes that I get at least a few more responses. I know everyone is busy with this whole Christmas thing going on so I don't expect anyone to put a hold on their wrapping, cooking, and family time to e-mail me.

I will extend until after both holidays, Christmas and New Years and try to have the blog post up at the beginning of the new year. Maybe every one's responses will help me to enter the new year with new hopes and new dreams for our future and possibly just maybe even hopes for a brother or sister for Brody.

I will make the deadline January 1st and try to have up the post with in a week. Once again my e-mail address is  Thank you to everyone who has responded already and to everyone else in advance.

On a side note, I'm finding it difficult to get in the Christmas spirit. Maybe some of you don't know what I'm talking about when I say Christmas spirit. For me, it usually occurs when I'm decorating my tree with music in the background and I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside knowing Christmas day is on it's way. I talked to Adam about it and he attributes it to the slightly warmer weather. I thought maybe it was that I was getting older or that I haven't gotten the chance to see Home Alone on television yet.

The truth is I know it's not the weather, lack of Christmas movies, or my age. I know it's because my heart is broken. I know it's because instead of shopping for my Brody and singing him all my favorite Christmas songs, I'm making him a shrine in the corner of my home complete with a stuffed teddy bear with his name on it, a candle with a "B" on it to light on Christmas Eve, an angel statue, and a wonderful tree made out of frog ribbon gifted to me by a new and dear friend.

My house is decorated, my tree has been up for weeks, all the gifts are wrapped, and I've even tried to  make this year a little different and special by hand making the majority of my gifts . I've even tried baking to see if the Christmas spirit was lost somewhere in pudding cookies or chocolate covered oreos, no such luck though. 

I guess there is some kind of "moral of the story" here. Some sort of Dr. Seuss "happy ending" in realizing that the Christmas spirit can't be found in presents, gifts, or decorations. It can only be found inside of you, inside of your heart. But, what happens when you feel empty inside and your heart is broken, where is the Christmas spirit to be found then? How can you search for the Christmas spirit when you are decorating not only a tree but the grave of your first born child?
 So as the snow was falling the other day and Adam and I sat down to watch Christmas movies on the couch and not a spec of Christmas spirit was felt or in sight, I found myself asking "Where are you Christmas?"
"Where Are You Christmas"

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love 

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