Wednesday, October 19, 2011

What if today would have been the day?

Brody's due date was October 29th. Today is the 19th of October and I have found myself wondering if today would have been the day. I was sitting outside drinking my coffee and letting the sun shine on my face. All of the sudden, I couldn't catch my own breath and what is left my heart felt like it  was beating out of my chest. What if I was in labor right now? What would it feel like? What if today would have been the day he was born? 

As a teenager, I thought I had a few broken hearts. I have learned a broken heart is not just tears, it really is a heart that is broken. A heart that just is not whole anymore. Will it repair itself enough for me to love another child someday? 

I try not to consume myself with "What ifs", but today, I just can't control it

1 comment:

  1. Tia I am so sorry for your loss. I think one day your heart will heal enough to love another child. No one can truly understand a grieving person's grief. There are no words of comfort, no answers to the "what if's or why's?" I think that it takes time, a lot of prayer and help from above. I'm glad that you started this blog for Brody and I hope that by writing what you are feeling and going through will bring you some peace. I'm here if you ever want to chat.
    Love, Sunny