Feeling the Love

I can't explain the pain of losing a baby. I have always have been able to express my feelings and often put them into words with poetry, but this is pain that is just simply indescribable. 

It's a feeling so deep that in the past two months, I have become a different person. I am completely changed forever. I said to my husband one night "I feel like we are never gonna be the same" and he responded "I don't wanna be". 

I know people change after they have children. Maybe they look at the world differently or get inspired by their babies to look at the glass half full. I am no different. I am a new mother too! Brody's short life inside of me and his death has shown me a new kind of love. A love that is bigger than the pain. It's love from God, it's love from Brody, it's love from my family and friends, and most of all it's love from deep within me that I feel now has to be shared with the world. 

After I came home from the hospital some of my family and friends wanted to give us space, and I respected that so much. Others sent us their love in many forms. In the days and weeks following Brody's death, we were overwhelmed with the love we were shown from everyone. We received dinner from friends from a restaurant down the road, hand delivered by the owner, who is also a very dear friend of ours. I will never forget what she said to us. With her hands full of dinner and her eyes full of tears, she looked me in the eye and said " So many people love you guys". My broken heart started healing that very second. 

Everyday, our mailbox was full of cards. We received 40 cards and letters...40!

 Adam and I got cards from family members (some I had never met), friends (some I hadn't spoken to in years), a nurse that held my hand in the hospital, and from people I didn't even know. 

I was beside myself with the love and I still am. Maybe Brody's short time with me was to help bring out the love deep within my soul.