Sunday, October 16, 2011

October 15th

I would like to think it was more than just a coincidence that Brody's due date (October 29th) was in October, which just so happens to be Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month.

In October of 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness month. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day.

I think October will always be difficult for me because of his due date and with the day fast approaching, I can feel the pain flowing through my veins like a cold liquid. Sometimes I just stare this blank stare and hope to catch myself before anyone else does. Sometimes I don't know what to say to someone when they ask if I'm okay. I usually blurt out the "yeah" or "I'm good" like it's some sort of reflex but then I start to think about it. Okay? I'm not sure I will ever feel okay or good ever again.

Brody's Daddy and I took a private approach to Remembrance Day, since it is our first . We took balloons to his grave site, attached little notes to them and sent them up in the air.  I never cry at the cemetery. It has always been a happy and peaceful place for Adam and I. We smiled as our balloons almost instantly disappeared into the wind and clouds. Remembering Brody, talking about him and doing things in his honor make the cold liquid feeling in my veins a bit more easier to handle.

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