Friday, April 11, 2014

Is that you pulling on my heart strings?

Its been too long. So long that it hurts. I stay busy. Being a mommy to a 14 month old leaves little time left to blog...or shower. 
I was recently diagnosed with a rare tick born illness so that put me down for a while too. Mentally as well as physically. 
Excuses excuses. I know. I promised him I'd share his story. I promised him I'd blog for him because it would show everyone that we will NEVER forget. 
I literally fight with the thought that I'm letting him down or letting him go. 
Sometimes I think that nobody even cares anymore. Brody would be 3 this August. I know they remember. It's often just too sad for others to think about on a day to day basis. I get that. 

I can feel him pulling on my heart strings. For whatever reasons he may have. He does this from time to time. He has something for me. He and God sit there and rub their hands back and forth with little light bulbs above their heads, I swear. Can't you picture it? 
He knows when it's time for a project and he bugs me till I get it. 
He would have been persistant. He would have been creative and serious. Curious but cautious. Characteristics that I see forming in his brother and the strings get tighter. 
When I'm really really full of joy. I mean when it's literally streaming out of my pores and I'm so happy.... I think of him. 
And ironically enough, when I'm so deeply sad and hurt, he is there in my heart to show me what really matters. 
He pulls and that's how I know he remains there in my heart. Forever and ever. 
Needless to say. Something will be in the works soon. Blame it on the heart strings. 

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