Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Week 10

Phewww, Week 10 was emotionally draining. I'm so blessed to get through and and be in week 11.

My heart was the heaviest it has ever been. Just thinking about Brody made me cry. Not one tear, several tears pouring down my face. I thought I had gotten to a place that made me smile when I thought of my little one, looking down on me from Heaven. My hormones took a hold of me and kicked my butt!

All the emotions made me harbor some anger too. I was brutally honest and well, at points down right mean. I had to gather up my thoughts and think about why my moods were so erratic.

My stress level was through the roof. I was worrying about worrying and it was dwindling me down to nothing. There were moments I thought the baby was gone for sure. I had talked myself into it and prepared myself to hear the worst.

One day I woke up and all my symptoms of early pregnancy were gone. The thought of nearing my second trimester never really occurred to me. My doctor assured me that I was okay and to really embrace my new desire to eat and my new found energy.

I have officially named week 10 the hardest week so far but I have to say...Week 11 is looking like it might be the best!

While I was down and out the majority of the week, there were a few ups...One...First belly pic! woooohoooo

Yes, I'm totally aware of how fake this smile looks. Let me assure everyone that it really is. Please don't get me wrong. I'm more than happy to have this growing miracle inside but I'm also stressed beyond belief about what the future holds or doesn't hold, stuffed full of worry and if you look close, I think you can see fear seeping out of my pores.

Stay tuned for week 11 belly picture though. I can almost guarantee a REAL SMILE this week! :)

Like I promised, here is week 10's picture drawn by my incredibly talented BFF, Regan. Yea, It pretty much sums it up. Baby was the size a prune.

And the last picture I have to share and probably my favorite is....This wonderful and amazing ultrasound picture. To be honest, this actually took place in week 11 but it was the single most important thing to me in the last 7 or 8 days. I tried a calming bath, I tried putting my feet up to relax, I tried my favorite foods, I tried talking to my best friend and my mom. Nothing could help me shake the anxiety except for seeing and hearing that heartbeat yesterday.
It was absolutely incredible. I cried tears of joy and literally couldn't stop staring in amazement as I watch Brody's sister or brother move around like he/she was practicing the dance routine for us. I could feel the weight remove from my shoulders and I could breath again.

When we got to the car, I told Adam "wow, we really have a mover and a shaker". He said I think he was dancing to "Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive...ah ah ah ah, Staying Alive". It made me laugh. My first laugh in a while.

So that is week 10 in a pun intended.

I'm excited for what week 11 holds and to share it with all of you.

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