Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Unwanted Strength

If I had a dime for every time I have heard "You are so strong", I would be rich. Believe me I am glad I have friends and family who are telling me so,but it may not be the kind of strength they are familiar with. Maybe these people thought I was weak before, and that is okay with me or maybe they were just used to my "wanted strength". Wanted strength is the kind of strength we have to get through little obstacles in our life like road rage or your steak not being perfectly medium rare. You might think of these things as "the small stuff" and not sweating it.Sometimes Wanted Strength gives you the motivation to make changes in your life when your unhappy or unsatisfied, for example, going back to school or changing careers.

Then there is the dreaded "Unwanted Strength". This is the kind I have. Unwanted Strength is the kind that forces you to get out of bed and face the day, a day your son will never see. Unwanted strength is the kind that forces you to put a smile on your face that you can hardly even look at in the mirror because you see your angel's lips and jaw line. Unwanted strength is the kind that forces you to listen to people talk but you can't really hear a word they are saying. Unwanted strength forces you to look away from the pregnant lady at the grocery store before you tell her "It could all be gone in one instant and to cherish every kick and every hiccup".The Unwanted strength makes a person who one hundred percent believes that God does not punish, wonder which sin made her lose her first born child.The Unwanted Strength makes you resist the urge to use profanity and maybe even physically harm the mother who neglects and abuses her child. The Unwanted Strength makes a woman take pride in and have passion for a blog she wishes she NEVER had to write.

“Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”

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