Balloons to Heaven

In my post "Remembering Brody", I talked about ways that I have honored him. It's important for me to remember that even though Brody is my first child and will never be forgotten, He is not the only angel baby in Heaven. He unfortunately wont be the last either. One in four women will experience a loss either with miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The statistics are frightening.

Think about it. Think about it before you judge someone. It could be someone you know very well, it could be your co worker who just "can't make it to your baby shower", it could be your friend who doesn't seem as excited as you would of expected her to be when you tell her your pregnant. It could be anyone. It could be the woman who you think hates children but really has struggled with loss and infertility for years.

On Brody's due date, I decided to not only honor Brody but honor other angel babies as well. When Brody died I started thinking about all of my friends who have experienced loss. Most of them were miscarriages, which means the loss occurred before twenty weeks gestation. If you have ever been pregnant, you know you start to love that child from the minute you find out, you start having plans of your future life together and the mother you want to be. A loss is a loss and it doesn't matter if you were 13 weeks or if you delivered your stillborn baby at 30 weeks,or you delivered your baby full term and only had enough time to say "goodbye", it still is very painful. Each loss is very different at the same time.

I posted on Facebook that I would be sending up balloons to honor any angel. I didn't care if it was my best friend or someone I had never met. It wasn't about differences in our lives or if we talked everyday or hadn't had contact in 10 years, it was about our babies...our angels. 

I honored and remembered 21 angels that day. Each of them with their own story of heartbreak and strength. Each one of them very special to their parents and special to me. The night before, I had sat in bed with tears flowing down my face asking God for a sign. Begging for him to find a way to let me know that Brody is okay and in Heaven beside him. I also asked God for a beautiful day for the balloon release. That morning I woke to at least 3 inches of snow on the ground on October 29th. I suppose it's not unheard of but it was my sign and it was my beautiful day that I had asked for.




 In my heart and in my mind, Brody's balloon led them up to heaven together. As the balloons floated up, they remained together like they knew where they were going. 

The last time I had so many emotions at once was when I delivered Brody.  I felt honored that everyone had wanted to share their stories with me, I felt sad that I was sending 21 balloons up. 21 angels. Some never given a name, some only in the arms of their mothers for hours, and Brody, my little angel. 
It was only me, Adam, and a very dear friend who offered to take professional photos of the release.  It was quiet, it was beautiful and it was the saddest and most amazing thing I have ever seen all at once.

When the balloons were unable to be seen anymore, I embraced Adam and in that moment I knew how very proud Brody was.

Photos by Nikkala Anne Photography