Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Brody made me

Each of these outfits has a different and special meaning for me. The red one on the far left speaks for itself. "Daddy's Little Dude". I will never forget Adam's expression when I showed him this shirt. He was in love, in love with idea of being a Daddy. I imagined so many things for the terrible twosome. Most of the fantasies involved a lot of dirt and boo boos but I wouldn't have it any other way. Now that top means something different, now its the piece of clothing Adam can't look at without a tear in his eye. The plaid navy outfit was gonna be used for 6 months photos. It was the only thing I could pull off with Adam since he told me no argyle sweaters and no golf hat :( . I could of probably got away with it with enough sad face. Now that outfit means a future with no six month pictures, no year pictures, no pictures...ever. The Harley outfit was from Adam's Dad and Step mom. It was one of the first outfits Brody had. It included a hat and bib too. Now Brody's name is sketched along with his birth date on Randy's (Adam's Dad) Harley windshield. Last, but certainly not least is the shirt that reads "Mum+Dad=Me". This shirt is probably meant to be funny to most people but to me, it meant Brody was created with love. Adam and I together, created our first child, our first son, our world. 

We made Brody, but in many ways, Brody made us. Brody made us into a Mommy and Daddy. All the things I thought I would be teaching him some day, he is now teaching me. He has taught me to be patient with others. Why rush things? Life is too short, way too short! You will eventually get where you are going and then you're gonna wish you weren't there so just take your time and live in the moment you are in right now.

Brody has taught me to always put myself in the shoes of others before judging them. And even when your in the shoes, don't judge them still. Everyone has their very own story. Everyone has their own heartache, their own challenges, their own obstacles to overcome. I can never say that I have it worse than the next person, that my problems are more important or more significant than the person standing next to me. It feels a lot better to help someone than it does to hurt them. 

I would have never done something like this blog before Brody. I was always way too concerned with what others thought about me. Did I look good enough?, Was I good enough?, Did I do the right things?,Did I say the right things?, What if I said the wrong things?. It was very exhausting. I would be lying if I said that I was all cured of that, because I do still care, but in a different way. Brody has given me a new kind of confidence. He has taught me to hold my head high and say what I feel. It actually started when I was pregnant with him. I was so proud to be pregnant. I liked my belly.  I never felt like the fat, miserable pregnant lady. My pregnancy was perfect minus some annoying "morning sickness" the first trimester that ironically kept me up all night. Some  other "there must be an alien inside of me" feelings you get when you're pregnant. Besides those minor things, I felt pretty good and will admit most of my complaining was done just because I could. Honestly, I felt prettier, I felt better, and I felt more confident than ever. I was doing something that my body was created for, something beautiful...I was carrying a life inside me. My body and I aren't on great terms right now. I still feel like it failed me and failed my son... miserably.

Before I met Adam, I was a totally different person. Some one I am not proud of . Some one I don't even want to explain or describe to you. Adam and I started our journey on a very bumpy road but have gotten somewhere that I am proud of. We started changing each other into the people we were meant to be and Brody has reminded us to keep going, keep improving, keep our love for each other the main focus. I am proud of our relationship, our life together,our marriage, and I'm proud of our Brody for making us...us.

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