Saturday, June 16, 2012

week 8

I have no real cravings to document this week, well, maybe bed. Everyday, I have felt like I ran a marathon, then went hiking and ended with a few laps in the Olympic pool. I've been nauseous, exhausted, and have had a headache nearly everyday...And I couldn't be more happy about all of it.
I must say. I have been feeling a little less crappy since I switched to the gummy vitamins. They don't cause as many headaches or as much nausea, not to mention, their like a tasty piece of candy
Growing a baby is hard work and I have chalked all these symptoms up to God. I think he knew he better give me every pregnancy symptom known to man...well to woman. You know, to ease my mind a bit. I mean, some days, I'm already a crazy mess, from worrying that I'm too exhausted to checking the toilet for blood every time I use the bathroom. I just hope He is gracious enough to give me a break when I reach my second trimester.

This week, the baby is the size of a Lima bean. However, judging by the size of my belly, I beg to differ. Last night before bed, Adam said to me "maybe we should start taking your belly pics soon". At first, I thought "Oh yes, great idea, how sweet and thoughtful for him to mention that" and then after I thought about it, I started to wonder if he was being generous or telling me that I was becoming quite the whale already. We started belly pics at 8 weeks with Brody so I know its something we should start doing soon. I think it will be fun to compare the size difference....maybe.

Emotionally, this week has been pretty sad. No particular reason. I just really miss Brody this week. It's not the emails that I keep getting reminding of how old he should be, it's not other babies around the age he should be, it's not even that I'm pregnant again. I just simply miss him.

I had my first panic attack in bed. I knew it would happen eventually during this pregnancy, I just didn't know it would be this soon. I was almost asleep and getting really comfy. And then it hit me. I was laying there in that exact same spot when Brody's heart stopped beating. I could feel my own heart going a mile a minute and I started finding it harder to breath. I wanted to get up, I wanted to sleep somewhere else but then I realized there was no reason to. The best thing for me and this baby was to try to relax. Take in where I had my last moments and kicks with Brody and just relax. I fell asleep quickly.

I knew when we started trying to conceive this new little life that it wouldn't be easy to be pregnant again. I knew my heart strings would be getting a work out and  that they would be tested day to day. It was something I was prepared for and something I prayed for.

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