19 weeks and I'm THAT girl

Every week that I sit down and write about Isaac, I become more and more amazed that I'm that far along already. It seems like only yesterday, I was peeing on the stick and full of mixed emotions about a totally planned pregnancy.

Week 19 was pretty boring, the way I like it. I'm sure to the outside world I looked just like another happy pregnant girl...and I was. Almost. But I'm also THAT girl. The one who lost her first baby. The one who buried her baby boy.

I can register at Target with my husband and feel almost normal and look it too. Just like it was the very first time we did it. But its not. I can go shopping for an outfit to bring baby home in and that looks normal too. But I've done it before and he never came home.

That is who I will always be. It defines me. I know that your thinking that is probably not healthy and that I should find something else to define me but let me say in the nicest possible way...Try burying you child and just see if it doesn't define you too. That's not a threat and its not what I wish for anyone. It is just the truth. Its not always a bad way to define myself.

Isaac was very active in week 19. He seems to be playing some sort of game in there. Possibly twister or his own little memory game. You know that little game we all had that had 4 lights on it. Green, yellow, blue and red and it would give you a pattern to remember. Red, red, green, yellow, red, blue? and you hit the buttons in that order...You win! Remember? I'm pretty sure Isaac's game goes like this:

Left ovary, right ovary, bladder, bladder, bladder.

I've been craving salad like its going out of style. It has become a pretty particular craving. Lettuce, pecans,cranberries, any kind of fruit and a raspberry vinaigrette. YUM!

Baby is the size of an heirloom tomato.

19 week picture. In black and white because I didn't feel like showering,doing makeup or hair, or wearing anything cute. Don't Judge. I'm growing a baby and its hard work! :)