week 15 update

Week 15 was quite the hormonal roller coaster. Actually, I feel like since I hit the second trimester, the hormones have taken over my body and mind. I don't even feel like myself (whoever that person used to be anyway).

I generally have no desire to socialize with anyone except for my husband, I force myself to shower and make myself presentable, and the only thing that can really make me smile is listening to the baby's heartbeat and even that sometimes feels like I'm just getting excited for no reason.

I listen to everyone around me say " Tia, you will bring home a baby this time", I truly want to look at them and tell them to shut up. I know that sounds so mean and cruel. I know they are all being kind and trying to comfort me but I'm at that place right now,  place they call "No one understands". I picture it as a vacant building with flashing lights( most of the lights don't work or they are flickering), its down a dark alley and no one (except for other baby loss mom's) have ever been there. Other people know its there, they whisper about it, but God forbid they walk by and try to help because they simply...Don't understand. Or they think they are trying to help but they have never been there so they just know so they just end up making you feel worse.

I'm sure this is all just part of me being pregnant and going through lots of changes all while mourning my son. I keep reminding myself that what I'm feeling is all okay. What feels right to feel... is right to feel. I continuously tell other mothers who have lost that very same thing yet I somehow get lost and forget that my advice goes for myself as well.

Anyway, besides all of that, everything is going very well with Baby. I'm reassured at every appointment that everything looks and sounds great.

Physically, my only big complaint is migraines. I hate even saying that I have a complaint. Other than those, I'm eating a ton of food. I'm hungry all of the time. I'm really trying not to overdo it ( that's a lie) But I'm actually not gaining a ton of weight. I'm still not at the weight I was when I  I found out I was pregnant with Brody!

Here is 15 week belly picture from a new angle. I have to say, I'm carrying this baby a lot different than I carried Brody. I know, I know...say it..."Every pregnancy is different". I'm wearing maternity strictly for comfort but I'm still able to wear all of my pants and shorts and I'm 4 months! The baby is just a lot higher this time, which means I should be feeling out of breath and like my ribs are being stomped on a lot sooner! Super! :)

Here is Regan's drawing for week 15, pretty much sums it up! And it pretty much sums up week 16 so far too. Baby was the size of an apple but I'm thinking a large apple because Baby Center says it's measuring about 4-4 1/2 inches!

We are starting to have some real agreements on names so in just 2 short weeks, hopefully I can tell you exactly who is growing inside of my belly.

Keep on growin Baby girl...or boy!