My two boys

Brody and Isaac. Isaac and Brody. I'm sure the rest of life will consist of me loving them both the same but  loving them both very differently. Not one more, not one less...just differently.

I have read several baby loss blogs, I've talked to many women who have lost at different stages. Some that I have emailed in the middle of the night searching for hope and some emailing me to tell me about the hope that I have given them. It's like a family. It's like a sisterhood.

So when I started reading about other other moms who have lost and then went on to get pregnant like myself, I read a lot about others asking them if this was their first child. I never really thought twice about that question and how loaded it was. And I especially never thought that anyone would ask me THAT question. How silly of me. Did I forget how many times I was asked when I was pregnant with Brody? And always answered with a smiling "Yes".

It's practically inevitable. There is probably a secret procedure for nosey strangers. "oh, how far along are you?"   

You answer

"Awe, is this your first?"

You answer, and it goes one of two ways

a) They change the subject or try to cover it up with something like "well, at least you will have this precious baby in your arms"
or
b) They are sympathetic, they say they are sorry to hear and they wish you the best with this pregnancy.

"my two boys", I said in my head last night when I was asked THE question, or maybe I said it out loud. I can't recall at this moment.

I always get this voice in my head. The voice I used a year ago to promise myself to NEVER let his memory die or deny him and to ALWAYS speak his name. "Tell them about him", it says.

This is how I will parent my two boys. Very differently but with so much love.